There’s so much I would love to share with mothers. It’s been about seven years since I learned about my sons’ involvement in pornography, and there were some very rough days in those years. The thing I want most to say is there IS hope. You can hope for days when your heart doesn’t ache all day, wondering if your son will be okay.
There were days when I woke up so angry at satan that I could have sworn. I was SO angry that he had attacked my pure, sweet boys. I was SO angry that he had destroyed my husband and my marriage. But you need to know that I am at peace now.
I still know that each day, I am in hand-to-hand combat with satan (I purposely don’t capitalize his name – I don’t think he deserves that honor), and I fight with all my might. Yes, some days I get a little weary of it – but then I remember Moroni, and Mormon, and how they kept fighting to the very end – and I know I can keep going, too.
The worst thing I did when my boys were first working through the Sons of Helaman program was to worry. I worried if they were still viewing, I worried if I needed to check up on them, and all they saw was my worried face all the time. I wish I had just let it go. My job was to connect them to Maurice – and I wish at that point I had just been their cheerleader from then on. That is what I try to be now.
I keep telling them how wonderful and amazing they are (because you know they truly are; if satan attacked them, he knew of their great potential and wants to thwart it!) and I try to live the best life I can so I’m always able to say what they need to hear. I always want them to see in me the joy the gospel brings, and for them to find hope in my love for them.
Keep loving them! They need our love more than anything else we can give them – love, and a good example of trusting in God. Because I have learned that truly, with God, nothing is impossible.
–A warrior mother
