In the lowest of times, I understand now how Satan was really working hardest on me. I can honestly say that he had attacked me so fiercely that I could see absolutely NOTHING but the bad in my son. I could hardly even speak to him or look at him, without feeling that he will never get out of his addiction to P and M.
He would never be able to serve a mission. He would fail at everything and all I could see he was, was a dirty minded young man with unclean thoughts and he was being a bad young man in everything he did. I could only think the worst! And Assume the worst.
Wow! That is hard and what horrible things to write about a child. Don’t wanna go there again!….
The lowest part for me was when I realized how tired and exhausted I was. How pessimistic I was and I really didn’t like myself. Nor did I think anyone liked me either.
Satan sure knows how to attack our weaknesses.
So the change started to take place after my 8 wonderful weeks with Karen.
There are 3 businesses.
1. God’s business
2. Your or their (my son’s) business
3. My Business.
Which is the Only One I have control over. That was liberating for me.
When I let go of trying to “fix him” and focused on my own weaknesses, realizing its taken me 30 yrs to get over my own issues, and how I was fight back and letting Satan know I was going to take control of my thoughts and look for and see the GOOD and let my Son know how proud I am of him. I began assuming the best and treating him so! Pure Love of Christ. Charity?
At Christmas time we asked our family this question. What gift has the Savior given you this year? OUR son’s answer was… the Gift of Example. Example of friends and family living the Gospel. It was a gift to us to hear him say that.
My gift was the Gift of Peace. I had turned it over to God’s Business and worked on myself instead of my son. And I received Peace!
I see him now, like I would want God to see me. I stopped comparing him too. We try to be consistent with reading the B of M., Family prayer, and attending the Temple Weekly!
I know we will always need to stay alert and keep our guard up. Pray always! Prayers have a LOT of power. Don’t forget to pray for eyes to see with Heavenly Fathers perspective. Not only for our sons…but for yourself.
A Mother in the fight!