motherswhoknow@lifechangingservices.org

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For mothers of sons struggling with pornography

 Is your mother heart breaking?

You just found out your son has been viewing pornography, for awhile…. and you had no idea?

You thought you had done all the right things and had all the right filters in place, but he still had access to it.

You know you taught him that viewing pornography is NOT OKAY, even if all the other boys his age are doing it.

You are feeling anger, frustration, disgust, sadness, helplessness, overwhelm, and a whole host of other emotions you can’t even name right now.  

You are sick to your stomach and feel like a horrible parent… you should have known something was going on or you should have done something different.

And now that you know you need to do something, frankly, you have no idea what to do or how to help your son.  You just want this to be taken care of!

You are desperate for help, but don’t know where to turn.

You are not alone! Life Changing Services can help you and your son!

Mothers, you should do 3 things RIGHT NOW:

  1. Download and read the free ebook Like Dragons Did They Fight by Maurice Harker, CMHC. This will help you better understand what is going through your son’s head, how he is feeling, and ways you can help him.
  2. Attend the FREE group specifically to help support mothers: Mothers Who Know. Here you will find a Christ-centered team of mothers who provide support, connection, training and hope when your child battles pornography or other challenging issues. 
  3. Talk to your son about attending Sons of Helaman so he can get the training and help he needs to fight this battle… and win for a lifetime.

The Sons of Helaman program has been helping young men overcome pornography and other sexual self-mastery challenges for over 10 years.

It was created by Maurice Harker, CMHC, who, while working for LDS Social Services, found an increasing number of young men who were either unable to serve or who had to delay submitting mission papers because they could not overcome this challenge. 

Like Dragons Did They Fight

As a therapist, Maurice knew he could find a way to help these young men succeed both in the short term and for the rest of their lives. He developed a program called the Sons of Helaman because he knew these were valiant young men fighting a war against satan. All of the tools, techniques, fighting strategies and training methods can be found in the book Like Dragons Did They Fight

Over the last several years we have asked young men who have gone through the Sons of Helaman program what they learned and how the program helped them be successful.  We wanted to share some of their responses with you…

“What is one of the most important things you learned during your training in Sons of Helaman?”

  • Preparing yourself to be strong in a moment of crisis or vulnerability. 
  • I can do anything with Christ’s help. 
  • The reality that being committed to border patrol is not just a “do this until I graduate” thing. It is a lifelong commitment.
  • Being aware of my thoughts and emotions and acting early to deal with negative emotions
  • Satan tries to bring you down more so after the sin rather than before or during.
  • How to set goals and accomplish them in regards to mastering myself 
  • I learned that Adversary has no power over you unless you let him. 
  • To always tell the truth to my fellow warriors, my leaders, my parents, and most importantly to myself and Heavenly Father.
  • You have to understand your enemy and his tactics in order to obtain advantage. Understanding Christ’s redeeming light it what creates the crushing victory
  • If I don’t take care of this problem the consequences it leads to become more and more serious, it affects so much more than just yourself.
  • Don’t give up, don’t get complacent, and fear God but acknowledge the adversaries cunning, don’t ignore it. Also receiving revelation should be a daily occurrence. Lastly I learned that the Savior’s atonement doesn’t just happen in the Bishop’s office but in every moment of our lives.
  • It’s not easy to change. In order to change not only the behavior, but also my nature, it requires strengthening my relationship with God and my Savior–Jesus Christ.
  • That life is a Spiritual War that we must fight in every day. The principles we learn as we go through the SOH program don’t just apply to overcoming pornography addiction but it can really go a long way in helping us every day fight against mood battles of boredom, laziness, tiredness, anger, stress, as well as a multitude of other negative emotions. This program is life changing and it took me over a year and a half after first talking with my Bishop about my problem to finally get the courage to join and recognize how bad my problem really was, but once I did a light flowed into my life that has continually filled me with overwhelming joy.
  • “I learned how to act and apply the atonement, Satan’s role in addiction, accountability, peer support, the effect of brain chemistry, i.e. actual chemical addiction, and I was able to see examples of other young men on what it took to be successful.”
  • “Support from other amazing people going through the same things, and advice that really helped. Constructive criticism really is what helped the most, being able to analyze as a group and see where improvements could be made.”
  • “I experienced a training program instead of talk therapy program. I experienced having my peers hold me accountable to my actions instead of my parents and/or therapist. (Therapist also did this). I learned how to make the atonement personal to me. I gaining a fighting mentality, to fight for the spirit, fight for my life and freedom. I learned satans role, as well as my own role, in my addiction. I learned how to discern good from evil. I learned how to seek, receive, and then follow personal revelation. I learned how to be a warrior of God.”
Group of Boys

What would you say to a young man who was nervous about signing up for Sons of Helaman?

  • Everybody is a team and wants everybody to succeed. We all loved each other 
  • It will help you, everyone wants you to be there and will welcome you in with open arms.
  • It’s not like normal therapy, it’s a brotherhood. It has become my thing to look forward to during the week.
  • Don’t hesitate, just go for it. The best things in life come from a leap of faith and courage.
  • I didn’t want to go. I hated the idea of it. I took a shot in the dark, and never has my life been filled with more light
  • It is something that is totally understandable to be nervous about. I was. But looking back I am so grateful That I did push through that fear. And because of that I was able to learn many tactics to help myself overcome my addiction
  • It will bless your life and give you the help you need to get through your struggles.  It is a support group and they wont judge you for anything.
  • You’ve got to be tired of this addiction, and without this group, there is no way your conquering it on your own. Also there are great guys with pizza.
  • “Be not weary in well-doing…” (D+C 64:33) Take anything that has a chance of helping you. Sons of Helaman provides you with more than just overcoming pornography and masterbation, it provides what it truly means to BECOME a disciple of Jesus Christ.  

If President Nelson was to ask you, “Should I send young men to Sons of Helaman?”  What would you tell him and why?

  • YES! It has helped me realize my identity and potential.
  • Yes, I tried the 12 step program and other counseling before this with some success. This is what really gave me the tools to overcome. 
  • Yes, it allows them to get out of the pit that they are all alone. Young men need the support Sons of Helaman gives!
  • Yes I would. Because a lot of young men don’t have the support they need to overcome the world, and they can find it in the Sons of Helaman program.
  • Yes, even if young men don’t have an addiction to pornography it is important for them to have the necessary tools and an understanding of how to break the cycle of addiction.
  • Yes, because it is one of the few places where sexual addiction and temptations can be addressed with support and teach you how to overcome your weaknesses through Christ. 
  • Yes! Not only does it help us achieve true sexual self mastery, it also helps is gain a healthy respect and fear of the adversary. I learned how to fight my battles, and how and when to rely on the Savior.

And finally, a summary of how the program helped you…

boy reading scriptures

“Oh I learned so much! The tools I have learned have helped me in all of my life, not just in how to fight my addiction. I learned that I have an enemy. Satan. And that he is trying to kill me. Or rather he is trying to kill my spirit.

Christ counseled his followers to watch out for him who can kill the soul. I learned that I am not alone, that there are lots of guys out there who struggle with the same things I struggled with. There I was taught how to recognize how Satan tempts me and how to combat him!

He is not just passively trying to get me to mess up here and there. He is actively trying to destroy my life and the lives of those I love. I learned that I must take the offensive, if I was to ever win this war. I was taught how to recognize the shifts in my brain and body chemistry, and what to do to neutralize what we call “deviant sex chemicals.”

I learned that sex energy is not evil, but that it was given to me by God for a sacred purpose.

I am to learn to control it. And I do.

I learned about using my body to combat the adversary, the one tool that I have that satan does not!

Joseph Smith said “All beings who have bodies have power over those who have not.” And I learned, and am still learning, how to exercise that power! I have learned that I am powerful, I have learned more about who I am and the nature of who I was before this life. Not only did I learn about these things in group therapy, but I learned them during my own studies that I did called Border Patrol.

We are taught to patrol our borders just like a military, using things like prayer, studying scripture and general conference talks, service, and vigorous exercise. Through doing border patrol I have grown closer to God.

During my time in group I learned to love the Gospel and the scriptures, and I learned more from them how to win in this war. I am able apply the principles I learned in group to my depression, confidence issues, and really any other part of my life I want to improve upon.

I feel armed with the tools I need to be successful, and more importantly, I learned where to look for those tools. And that is Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. I know they live, and I know they answer prayers. They have fought alongside, and they continue to do so to this day. Also, let me note that, Maurice has taught me so much, I am indebted to him for showing me and teaching me, and helping me to “come unto Christ and be perfected in Him.”

Like Dragons Did They Fight

Moms, your sons are amazing! 

They have been saved and chosen for this time. Because they are so great, the adversary is doing everything he can to stop them from moving forward.  

If they make choices that are not the best right now, all is not lost. Young men can learn the skills to leave pornography behind and discover their spiritual gifts to use in blessing the lives of others.

Momma Trauma book cover

If you would like an inside peek into the training methods of the Sons of Helaman program, download your FREE ebook copy of Like Dragons Did They Fight.

For moms who would like training for themselves download your FREE ebook copy of Momma Trauma: Now What?

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